Father's Day is Sunday. And of course, many Fathers will be showered with love and gifts from adoring pint-sized fans and supportive spouses and partners. T-shirts, tools, gadgets, and good food are all great gifts for dad. But, in honor of Father's Day, consider a gift that free, precious, appreciated, and sometimes hard to give: your support. Dads are often seen as playing the supporting role -- even the understudy -- in parenting, and because of this, their importance and need for support often are overlooked.
Consider the following ways to support and uplift new and not-so-new fathers in their roles, and ponder if the ways in which you currently approach and care for the dads in your life provide the kind of support that's needed most.
Check in with dad, too. Dads go through their own experience in pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Ask how he's doing, how he's enjoying the new baby, to tell you about his child(ren), to see if he needs anything, to show you pictures, etc. Dads are usually brimming with excitement and pride and ready to share. On the flipside, they aren't as likely to share the hard parts or ask for help -- tune in to see if anything feels "off" and to offer your support.
Do more listening than talking. Provide ample space to hear his stories and let him brag -- or vent. It's ok to chime in with comments that show your understanding, but don't take over the conversation or insert condescending "just you wait" phrases. True support means more listening than talking.
Refer to dad as a parent, not a babysitter. A dad is a parent -- not a fill-in, not "daddy daycare," and not a babysitter. While we seem to throw these phrases around frequently and some find them lighthearted and humorous, others find these terms insulting and demeaning. Language matters. Referring to dad as anything other than a parent undermines his role and value in a child's life, not to mention his confidence! A dad is a parent. A dad parents his child.
Provide encouragement and empathy. Sometimes, dad needs to vent. Parenting, pregnancy, and birth can be hard and trying, especially if your feel removed from the experience. Offer encouragement to keep trying and working at this important job, and empathize when possible. Dads need to hear and know that it's ok to express upset, disappointment, and fear.
Applaud dad's expertise. The media loves to paint a picture of dad as the bumbling baffoon -- always getting things wrong and clueless as a parent. That depiction is far from the truth. When given the opportunity, support, and encouragement, dads do get it "right," and do know how to be a great parent. It's ok if dad doesn't do things the way that mom does or other dads do -- dads do it their own way and kids often benefit from these kinds of differences in parents. Comment on the ways that dad has it all figured out, how he looks like a natural, and point out the ways in which he already knows his child.
Tags
Parenting Dads New Parents Father's Day Fathers New Dad New Father