Great Expectations: Cara @ 16 weeks

By Cara Joyner

I'm a little behind this week. Today (Friday) actually marks 16 weeks. How is this suddenly going so fast? The first trimester seemed endless, but now the days just won't slow down.

The boys and I headed out to the midwife on Tuesday to check on this quickly growing baby. I can't really remember what it was like to go to prenatal visits when I was pregnant with my first and I did everything alone, and in silence, but I do know it looked and sounded nothing like it does today. Let's just say people hear us coming - from the parking lot.

In all that tension of trying to maneuver a wide double stroller down a narrow hall with two wiggly kids, my oldest lightened the mood with such sweet innocence. Moving past a room with the sound of a heartbeat heard on a Doppler coming from under the door, he jumped up in his seat with great enthusiasm and said, 'Hey! That's a baby sound!' And then my heart fell onto the floor.

Perhaps the biggest change since we last met in this space is that we decided to find out if we're expecting a boy or a girl. The big reveal will come next month. I know. Didn't I just tell you that we were holding the suspense for birth? And didn't I ask you to keep me accountable? Yes, I did say those things. And yes, I take it all back.

Here's the thing...did you know that women who have experienced a miscarriage are at a greater risk for postpartum depression following a healthy, normal birth? Well, I can already feel that grief looming in the upcoming winter air. It's leering around right now with enough heaviness that I've decided to be proactive. I didn't anticipate how scary it would be to attach to a new baby this time around, so we are going all in! Finding out the gender, picking a name, buying something special that represents this new person - jumping in fully and binding our hearts to this baby we are still months away from meeting.

The last exciting development this week has been brought to us in the form of tiny kicks. A subtle pop here, a gentle nudge there. At first, there was a single flutter of movement and then days of stillness. Another burst and then more quiet. But in the last 24 hours, I've felt multiple wiggles and turns - which always feels like the most wonderful secret of pregnancy. It's like a whisper just between this baby and me.

I'll leave you today with a picture introduction of my boys. We tried for an announcement photo, but after many bribes and the promise of large quantities of ice cream, this is the closest we could come up with. It reminds me that parenthood is the most exhausting, least glamorous fun I'll have in my whole life.

Cara Joyner is a mother of two who writes regularly at carajoyner.com and in various publications. She is also a Professional Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator (trained by Lamaze International).