I am so sorry that you have had such a difficult birth. As I understand your post, your concerns fall into two categories: one having to do with potential effects of its emotional aftermath on a subsequent pregnancy and labor and the other having to do with its potential physical effects.
Starting with the physical effects, if the doctors you have consulted don't fall into this category, I suggest you ask around your community to try and locate an obstetrician whose philosophy and practices are supportive of physiologic birth and who only resorts to medical intervention when lesser measures have failed. That way, you can trust this person's judgment and recommendations. Your midwife might have some names as may the doulas in your area, or there may be a birth resource center or a birth network group where you live. If you are in the U.S., you can also try the Birth Survey, a kind of Yelp for care providers. Once you have found such a person, make a consultation appointment. Bring a copy of your medical records for the doctor to review. I recommend writing down ahead of time your questions and concerns about the likelihood of problems in a future pregnancy and labor. Take notes on the answers during the appointment so that you will have them to mull over, and you won't forget anything. You may also wish to explore further why you haven't restarted menstruating and whether that could affect your ability to conceive. I'm not a doctor or midwife, but it seems to me that menstruation should have started up again by now even if you are still breastfeeding.
As for the emotional aftermath, again, I'm not a doctor or midwife, but it seems likely that you are, quite understandably, suffering from childbirth-related Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD can develop when people undergo an experience in which they feel powerless to control what is happening and are in fear for their life or the life of someone they love. This certainly describes what happened to you. In fact, it is quite possible that it describes your husband as well. There are effective treatments for PTSD, although it isn't always easy to find a therapist knowledgeable about birth-related PTSD, and whether you decide to try for another pregnancy or not, you may wish to look into this. At the very least, I recommend Solace for Mothers, an internet peer support group for women healing from traumatic birth.
I wish you complete healing, both emotional and physical.