To begin with, you are correct that I.V. oxytocin (trade names: Pitocin and Syntocinon) induced contractions are not normal. They are more painful than contractions stimulated by oxytocin that your body produces naturally. They tend to peak faster than natural contractions, which makes them harder to ride. Pitocin contractions can also become too long, too strong, and too close together, which adds not only to your pain, but increases the likelihood that the baby cannot tolerate them. These differences from normal contractions are not surprising for a couple of reasons: For one, in most hospitals, clinicians use Pitocin dosage regimens with doses much higher than those produced naturally in the body and increase the dose much too fast for the current dose to have shown its full effect. For another, your body produces oxytocin in the pituitary gland, which is located deep within your brain. Oxytocin does more than stimulate contractions. Oxytocin is also known as the "hormone of love" as it is produced during lovemaking. Oxytocin circulating within the brain produces feelings of well-being and euphoria, but oxytocin cannot cross from the bloodstream into the brain, which means I.V. oxytocin does not have the compensating effects.
As for this birth, of course you can do things differently, but while having a more supportive spouse is a great start, you will want to learn about what practices and policies best promote a healthy birth for you and your baby. As you suspect, for healthy women, that will be care that supports the unfolding of the natural process. I recommend beginning your education with Lamaze's Healthy Birth Videos and getting a copy of The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth with Confidence. Once you know what kind of care you want, find a midwife or doctor and a birth setting where you can get that kind of care--and trust me, it is infinitely better to switch than fight. To help you do that, I suggest downloading "Having a Baby? Ten Questions to Ask" from the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services website. My book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, also has sections on how to choose a care provider and place of birth as well as what care the research establishes as safe and effective. You can also see if the Birth Survey has information about care providers and hospitals in your area.
Your question about age isn't silly, and no, I don't think your age is a disadvantage, especially since you have given birth before. It is like riding a bicycle. Your body remembers.
I wish you all the best as you embark on this great adventure.One of the better kept secrets is that birth can be fantastic, amazing, ecstatic and can change how you think of yourself forever, and contrary to what some might think, a "good birth" is a "safe birth." Sadly, though, conventional obstetric management rarely allows that kind of experience.
Let us know how things go for you.
-- Henci