(Original Reply from "Pregnancy conditions and complications" on 03/31/2007 4:44 PM) 

Let me start by saying that my heart goes out to you. As the mother of a married daughter who plans to have children, I am shaking in my boots at what the system, as your daughter’s experiences make clear, can do to her by playing on her and her husband’s fears. Since I am not a midwife, doctor, or nurse, I am not qualified to give an opinion about your daughter’s care, but I will go so far as to say that your daughter’s stories sound all too familiar these days, not in the details, of course, but the patterns.

I hear your anguish and frustration and sense of helplessness. I am wondering what you can do to take care of yourself. I invite you to think about ways that you can discharge your feelings and heal from this experience. Obviously, you have already taken one step, which is to seek validation and a safe place to vent by posting here, but there may be other steps you can take. One thought:  you might want to see if there is a chapter of the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) in your area. Go to http://www.ican-online.org/community/chapters.php to look. I think you will find support and comfort there, and your knowledge as a nurse and your own experiences with birth would be valuable to them as well.

A local ICAN chapter may also be of use to your daughter. Since she is, at least for the moment, ok with what happened to her, you wouldn’t want too militant a group, but if you find them to be accepting and supportive of women wherever they are with their cesarean experiences, they may provide a haven for your daughter to heal as well. She may be accepting of her experiences, but she may not stay that way, and surely she has internalized the messages that her body doesn’t work right. She must be disappointed and saddened at the loss of birth she hoped for as well. Getting help with those issues will be to her benefit even if she never comes to view her deliveries as you do.

-- Henci